I originally wrote this post on July 3rd, 2004, on my original blog. The area between the horizontal breaks was added today.

This week has been wild. First, Bethany’s car died. I spent until 9 pm fixing it, after I had worked a long day. The next day, Bethany’s power dims, and none of her plugs work. I have a computer I’m about to work on, and I have to tell this nice older man at church that I can’t fix it just yet… That same night, my truck dies… horribly. Blew a head gasket. Bethany’s had a psychotic week at work, she’s sick, I’m exhausted… So, I figure this is appropriate.

I used to HATE it when this didn’t go my way. It’d get me down, depressed, and oh, so pissed off.

Praise the Lord, I’m no longer bound to the emotional savagery that washes over you when it seems everything in life is conspiring to drown you, and crush you.

See, I live by a different paradigm, now. My goal is NOT to advance myself, and to make sure I’m #1 on everyone’s list. It’s to advance the cause of Christ! So, like my friends from Skillet,


I’m a beep, I’m a vapor
I’m just a blinking light
I’m a beep, I’m a vapor
And I’m about to evaporate

And the future’s robbing my soul
I’m face to face with my futility
And my life is slipping away
Inhaling my mortality

And I feel my skin’s just a shell
Underneath is my reality
I breathe dimensions unknown
It conquers my mortality

It’s a mad world will it ever stop?
Will the madness end?
While my body decays my soul does not
Death is just the beginning

And the future is robbing my soul
Inhaling my mortality

‘Vanity of vanities – all is vanity”, says the preacher – and I’m inclined to agree with him. Everything I’ve ever set my heart on, save God, has been systematically dismantled, bit by bit. I know why, too – I still claim ownership over my own life, in many respects, and count my worthiness in other’s esteem, much too often.

God’s solution, as usual, is to pare my life down to it’s essence – He asks me, like Peter:


15 So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Tend My lambs.” 16 He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He said to him, “Shepherd My sheep.” 17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus said to him, “Tend My sheep.

– John 21:15-19

That’s all that matters, folks.

Not job, not significant other, not children, not hobbies, not skill, not esteem – just read this.


23 And Jesus, looking around, said to His disciples, “How hard it will be for those who are wealthy to enter the kingdom of God!” 24 The disciples were amazed at His words. But Jesus answered again and said to them, “Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! 25 “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” 26 They were even more astonished and said to Him, “Then who can be saved?” 27 Looking at them, Jesus said, “With people it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.” 28 Peter began to say to Him, “Behold, we have left everything and followed You.” 29 Jesus said, “Truly I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or farms, for My sake and for the gospel’s sake, 30 but that he will receive a hundred times as much now in the present age, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and farms, along with persecutions; and in the age to come, eternal life. 31 “But many who are first will be last, and the last, first.”

Yeah, I’m some religious nut. You betcha, kids. I stand on the promises of God. I don’t need man’s affirmation, I need God’s. “Whom God loves, He chastens”, though, is also something that comes to mind for a Believer. God destroys you, in order to build you up. Doesn’t sound
like fun?

Oh, it isn’t. You Jesus was kidding, above, when He says “Children, how hard it is to enter the Kingdom of God”? Heck no. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world, though.

Cause despite the “refining” I’m going through right now – like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego – I’m FIREPROOF

Job 13:15 – “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.”